Periodically The Man needs a new hobby. He realizes that most of his time is spent doing those regular day to day things and then sitting on the couch watching shows or sitting at the computer playing something or other. Then he’s bored. Then it happens.
Last year it was bread. Twice a week we were eating Viennoise (chocolate chip baguettes, which by the way are as yummy as they sound) or Japanese milk bread or lord knows what but it tasted nice with cheese. I would come home to a bag of lava rocks in the kitchen because they hold heat better for the gluten structure. Hm.
Now it’s Duolingo Spanish. A very popular app to teach the whole enchilada (see what I did there?) of comprehension, conversation, and reading. I’m all for this, don’t get me wrong. It’s not gambling, or drinking, or endless nights out playing poker or golf. It won’t get anyone in trouble and really, everyone should know some other language, no? But the problem is that The Man has an addictive personality and CAN’T STOP. So he’s practicing Spanish in the bathroom, in the recliner, while he waits for the casserole to finish baking…It’s somewhat disconcerting to be just drifting off to sleep and hear someone saying ‘esa mujer necesita platanos’ (‘that woman needs plantains’, in case you were wondering).
And now there’s some other guy HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW who is also learning a language on the app and they are competing to be first in lessons. Well, I have no idea whether Vladimir is aware of this competition and cares about this. I certainly don’t! But The Man cares. Very much. At least twice a week I hear whether Vladimir or The Man are in first place and how far ahead of the next person.
So it’s gotten to the point where if there’s any lull in the conversation he’s lost in his phone. He’s been promising the Kidlet all day they will make a snack for our outing tomorrow. She’s been standing next to him for what seems like forever but was probably only two minutes. He hasn’t noticed.
Me: are you guys going to make the things?
The Man: what? I’m helping with that?
Kidlet: it was your idea
The Man: I’m in the middle of a lesson.
Me: I can tell. Do you plan on drowning in Spanish all night?
The Man: it’s called immersion.
Me and the Kidlet: …
The Man: it’s like drowning but less flailing.